The abused feminine and the new paradigm

As an abused child, I am having a tough journey finding a way of setting boundaries that does not perpetuate the cycle of violence that was handed down to me in my childhood. In my attempt not to repeat the mistakes my parents did, I have been over permissive with my children. That has resulted in them somewhat adopting the role of the abuser, which takes me back to square one!

It is easier for me by now, after years of intense exploration of this issue, to see when interactions don’t feel right. The trouble is finding how to right them without turning into my parents; how to really, truly, break the cycle of aggression. It is tricky because I am scared of hurting people when setting boundaries. I don’t want to set harsh limits, I don’t want be violent, and because I haven’t known how to do that, it has been easier to let the children step over me. I suspect this is a common feminine victim dilemma (feminine because it is not just of women, but of the feminine side of all of us that is caring and nurturing).

Through a very slow process of empowerment, I’ve come to a point where I can see the subtle place where I am giving up on myself and how to start standing my ground without pushing on my kid’s. Even in extreme and highly emotional circumstances, IT IS possible to set boundaries without being violent but with unconditional love; boundaries where everyone wins. And this is part of the New Paradigm. It is a paradigm where it is possible to achieve huge things without “efforting”, and it is possible to listen to resistance without losing oneself.

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